Leah's Letters

These are letters Leah shared with the school administration we dealt with.  It is a look into her heart and the overwhelmingness of this whole ordeal.  Leah's heart from day 1 has been wanting to help be part of the solution to the issue, to share her experience because there is NO way they would let this happen to a single more student if they understood what she went through.  Sadly, sans a few people expressing their apologies, she didn't see any results.  Her heart still is centered on accountability and awareness.  I have chosen not to name individuals because it became apparent this is a campus issue, not just an individual issue.  This is why names have been taken out.

This was written the night before the third party inspector that we hired inspected the room.

Note for those involved with mold

I write this to you so that you can see from my perspective how this situation has affected, hurt, and impacted me. On August 17th I moved into my first dorm on a college campus eyes wide with excitement and a stomach full of butterflies for the adventure to come. Never in all of my thought through scenarios in my head did I think that I would spend the first 5 weeks more sick than I ever have been in my life. The whole day I felt awful, I originally thought it was just a mixture of normal allergies from being in a new environment and anxiety. Within the next few days I got progressively worse. On my first day of class merely days after moving in my eyes were swollen shut. I could hardly see and was in a lot of pain. I could tell people looked at me differently, no one wanted to sit next to me, and some people flat out ignored me. It was difficult to focus in class and to think straight from the headache I had, pain, swollen eyes, and consciousness that I was already not fitting in. Over the next few days I attended 4 different doctor appointments in which I was prescribed or told to get over the counter 5 antihistamines and 2 steroids. These only somewhat helped with the side effects not the actual allergic reaction itself. Without the allergens being removed it is not possible to not have side effects or symptoms. I visited the pharmacy at least 6 times during this period. After talking to my RA about the issue she told me to fill out a form for maintenance. So I did as she told me to. Mr.(name removed) came and looked at everything, I showed him pictures of a mold test I had conducted, told him about my concerns of the ceiling bubbling and cracks in the walls, and the humidity of the bathroom. He put in a request for an air quality test. I asked if that would be applicable since this was mold I was dealing with. He said that they didn’t have any mold tests and this was the best thing to do. The test was conducted while I was at class and I was told days later by my RA that they found no mold. This wasn’t true as they did find mold but according to their results it wasn’t sufficient for any issues. My RA and her boss both agreed that it didn’t make sense and told me to request that another test be performed. So I requested another test. After doing so I had multiple people come to “clean” the vent. Which did not in fact clean it. They tried with a vacuum that did pretty much nothing. Then with cleaning supplies which the custodian admitted couldn’t be cleaned without the right equipment that they didn’t have. Eventually I had Mr. (name removed) and Ms.(name removed) come to retest the air quality. Again, the test was not for mold but for air quality with some form of finding mold counts. I was looked down upon and treated as if I was an annoyance, dumb, and meaningless by Mr.(name removed). I was very uncomfortable as everything I said was shot down and I felt unheard and like what I was physically feeling and emotionally feeling was invalid. Ms.(name removed) caught on and apologized for the disturbances and that I was dealing with this. She was very kind to me and treat me like an adult and equal. She made me feel more comfortable and cared about. Later on that night I found mold growing in the crack in the bathroom. It was growing all behind the wallpaper and when my family brought it up to Mr.(name removed) they said that the test said that there was no mold so they would not be doing anything about it. At this point 5 weeks in I was feeling so bad I only went to my dorm to sleep, when I was in the room I had an awful cough that went away when I was out of the room, and it physically hurt to breathe. I had spent so much time going to appointments, picking up medications, and dealing with people showing up unannounced to “help” me. This occurred during my first 2 test weeks. And I had very little time to study and was not able to sleep much due to symptoms. This greatly affected my grades. Additionally, I felt unseen, not cared about, like I was going crazy, and that no one believed me no matter what I said or did. I was very anxious about the situation and knowing that my health was consistently getting worse, as well as my grades getting worse and trying to cram to study due to lack of time. In one day I had 4 panic attacks, I think before this I have had 4 in my life. I questioned why I was at TAMU, considered dropping out, and wondered what I had seen in TAMU that so desperately made me want to come. I had dreamed about coming here since I was 4 and I only applied to TAMU because I had decided I wanted to go to TAMU or no college at all. I would keep applying until I got in. And I got in on my first try. I realized why I had wanted to come here. The family like community, their core values, and how Aggies are always for each other. That is what made me want to come here. But through this experience I have found that none of these are true. I found that 5 of the 6 values of TAMU were not shown nor true. Excellence was not shown, what was shown was cut corners and do what you have to save a dollar at whatever cost. Integrity was not shown, I believe the Aggie code was broken on every account towards me. I was lied to, cheated out of good health, grades, and communication, and I had fairness and dignity stolen from me. Leadership was not shown, I who was being led felt no importance, help, or respect. What is the point of leadership if they don’t lead well. Respect was not shown except by my RA (name removed), Mr. (name removed), and Ms. (name removed). They were concerned for me, they showed that I mattered to them, they treated me like a person. Selfless sacrifice was not shown, I was what was sacrificed. My health was sacrificed for the sake of finances. For the sake of making a point. There was nothing selfless about this process and I would argue that it was selfish. I did not feel like I was part of a family or like I was taken care of at all. This defeated the reasons of why I came here. This left an impression on me of TAMU that is not reversible. This lead me to not trust anything an Aggie or TAMU facilitates says or does. This broke my trust and your reputation. And suddenly I was no longer proud to be an Aggie. Because if we can’t even stand by our own core values then what will we fall for, what other issues will be ignored, what will set us apart. Finally, I would like to quote a quote from the reslife website under mold. “The health and comfort of our residents is of the highest priority for Texas A&M University Department of Residence Life.” This was not what was shown to me in any sense, if anything the opposite. I hope that this opens your eyes to this issue and lets you see this situation in a new perspective. I pray that this allows you to evaluate your leadership, process, and provides a pathway to change. You can only learn from mistakes or make them again. If there is anything I can do to help promote or plan this change please let me know. I would love to help see this through. Thank you for your time. -Leah Courington

I would like to add that Ms. (name removed) and Mr. (name removed) were also very kind, treated me with respect, and like an actual person upon meeting them. They were 2 of the 3 people who genuinely apologized to me, Ms. (name removed) being the 3rd. I do not want to make this a huge issue nor make anyone else upset with me. I just want a resolve and to feel better. However, I also want you to be aware of this situation. Again, thank you for your time.

 

 

 

This she wrote 10/26/23.   It terrifies me that her mental health got to such a dark place because it seemed no one would listen and no one cared.  She was left to feel like a crazy person and that this was all in her head.

 

Howdy! I know I am the last person you want to hear from right now and I understand that. It has been made perfectly clear that most (not all but most) of y’all don’t want to listen to anything I or my family have to say. Which is why I am writing this to you. So you can read it on your own timing and then when it is convenient for you. Again, I know you don’t care to listen, but as a fellow Aggie and a someone who is in desperate distress I beg you to read this. I know I have sent a similar letter many weeks ago to some of you and it has been read to others. If you would like a copy of that one as well I would be overjoyed to send it to you. But I am writing this tonight 10/26/2023 at 11:41 pm because I can not sleep. My mind is racing with awful thoughts and fears that unfortunately might be a reality. You see the molds found in my room have been found to be highly linked to liver and kidney failure, various cancers, and nervous system disorders. I recently got my lab results back with the levels being horrifically high.  And all I can think about is if this happens to me how in the world will I be able to tell anyone that? How could I tell my parents that my dreams and all of our collective hard work have killed me? How am I going to be able to tell my sister that I didn’t want to leave when I came to college that I would no longer be there to support her? How would I be able to tell my friends that the school’s negligence has caused my death and I get to escape the pain, but they have to continue living in it? They have to wonder if it is going to happen to them. What would I want read for my silver taps? At the moment I can tell you that I would want “the school killed me”. But my faith in y’all has fleeted and I don’t believe you would read it because it would damage your reputation, ego, and pride. And would my family even come or would they stand against it in protest? How would I live the last few weeks, months, or years knowing that my two biggest dreams, to be a wife and to be a mom, will never come true? How would I be able to handle knowing I’ll never get an Aggie ring or diploma, but traded it for my death? How could I knowingly accept a transplant if I were granted one knowing that someone else was born with a condition and might need it more? What would I want my funeral to look like? What would I want people to say about me after I passed? She was strong, determined, and despite it all was kind? I sure hope so and I think several of your staff would agree. No 19 year old should have to think about these things. No college student should have to prepare themselves for their funeral and saying goodbye. And as much as I would love to be completely healthy, nothing wrong, and back to a normal life, I almost don’t. Because maybe this would be the only way anything is taken seriously and the impact of it is actually considered. And I’d no longer be in pain, which at the moment sounds pretty wonderful. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but this is my reality. And unfortunately you have not gone through this living hell and therefore have no opinion in this matter or how I react. You aren’t the one having to go to doctors and trying to not lose your mind because of not knowing the news you will hear. You aren’t the one crying yourself to sleep because you can’t imagine saying goodbye to your loved ones. You aren’t the one trying to get through classes and have a social life and have good bull and join orgs and keep up with every email, conversation, meeting, and call. You aren’t the one in constant physical pain. Or emotional or mental for that matter. You aren’t the one feeling guilty for putting your family through emotional, mental, and financial stress. So respectfully I say, you have no room to talk. If you have a kid, or a niece or nephew, or a grandchild, or you count your best friend’s kid as your family, or you have ever seen a child that you somewhat like I beg you to step into my family’s shoes for a moment. And if not think about your parents or guardians, think of how hard it would be to put them through this. This isn’t a simple issue of I want my stuff. This is my life we are dealing with. Physically among many other aspects. I have learned to hate learning. It used to be one of my favorite things, I loved school. Now I can’t stand it, and only do it because too many people have done too much for me to not be a good student. I have had friendships ruined from this mess. I have questioned and have/ am reconsidering my major and what I want to do with my life. I have concentratedly considered dropping out. I have questioned who I can trust and what to believe. I hope you all know I don’t write this for pity or to be dramatic of because ANYONE told me to or for any other reason besides I want you to again see my reality. What I am going through and having to deal with because of this issue that was left unresolved. Because I was not taken seriously or with any value. (And again, a few have, but the majority have not) I beg you to do something about this. Change this so no one else has to wonder about and feel these things. Make a difference. Isn’t that the point

of your job? If you aren’t there to help, support, and make a difference in student’s lives then what are you doing? Use this as a “que to action” as my health professor and many health professionals say. It’s something that sparks change. Self sacrifice- this is a great opportunity to show it. How willing are you to stand by YOUR core values and prove that they are in fact important? If I am being fully honest, when everything first happened I was really mad. Like really really really mad. And I still have days that I feel this way. But now I pity y’all who don’t do this. I know in my heart that I stand by my values and what I say. I know that I am making a difference and won’t stop until this happens, even if that’s on my death bed. I know that I am handling this situation with grace and patience. Much more than a normal student would. So I pity y’all for not doing these things. And if you would like a detailed explanation of how you are not I would like you to reference my previous note. And I have more information I can add that has happened since then if you would like. I’d like to remind you all that my previous letter was written the night before I was moved out and the room was inspected. So there has been quite a lot of development. I know my words are probably meaningless and won’t be read by many of you, but again I beg you to consider them if you have made it this far. And I would like to encourage you to ask others to read it as well. And if any of you have a heart (maybe I have just not been given the chance to see it yet) I pray that you are able to take my words to heart and act upon them. Thank you for your time. -Leah